Tuesday, September 16, 2014

GEMS OF MY LIFE


Man I've been MIA. I know you all missed me terribly. I still need to post my pics from Tahoe, and hopefully I can do that soon but I was up last night helping Spencer do homework. Who knew I'd be back in the game. I forgot how awful it is to read a textbook when the game Lep's World is calling your name on your phone. Lately I just haven't posted because I just haven't had anything to say. It boggles my mind how some people can have such exciting weeks (at least according to their blog) every week! My blog would just be pictures of me in dog-hair-covered sweatpants, watching Netflix, and eating the new Doritos Ranch Dipped Hot Wings. Those are my freaking jam guys! I decided I didn't want to force myself to write. If it comes it comes. Then I got caught up in the fact that maybe no one cares or reads it, and then I'm like snap out of it Ashley! Who the hell cares!? And if you didn't write, then how else would you share your random, awesome life moments like...

... about how I had a full on nightmare about being abducted by a cult family and was being forced to marry one of the brothers the other night. And this was no ordinary dream. This was one of those real life dreams where I began contemplating if I should make a run for it now (and then risk being caught and then being on lock down) or if I should wait it out and pretend to be in love with him and earn more trust, while slowly gaining more freedom and then escape when the odds of me getting away are higher. These are the kinds of hard, fake decisions you have to make when you drink a 32oz of Diet Dr. Pepper right before bed, and then take a sleeping pill because you are worried you wont fall asleep.

Or

...that during four-play Spencer stopped and asked, "Are you wearing my deodorant?!!" Hashtag, BUSTED. But seriously though if you haven't tried Old Spice's "Wolfthorn" deodorant, it's a game changer. And it might as well be unisex.

Or

...when you're at H&M and you ask for a certain size in pants and they say "What inseam do you need?" and you have to explain to them that it doesn't even matter because either way you will have to get them hemmed because the world doesn't make pants for someone who is 5'1 and frankly it's discrimination. Short people problems ya know? And while we are on that note can I just add that while I've been on a fall sweater rampage, I've seemed to notice that they only make sweaters for people with ape arms. Am I right ladies? Or am I the only one that's having to roll up my sleeves?


Or

...when I honked at the driver in front of me in the turn lane for not going but then realized they were waiting for a pedestrian to cross the street, so I rolled down my window and fake-waived at someone so I wouldn't embarrass myself and look like an impatient jerk.

Or

... when I accidentally ended a phone call with a patient at work with "talk to you later," like I was setting up a lunch date with a friend, instead of a gyn exam with a total stranger.

 Or

...when you fart during a yoga class but didn't take the blame (although I think it was only audible to one other person). This story is about a friend. Not me. I swear.  Namaste.

On a side note, I hope you are all remembering to rotate you're owl. I think that's something you should probably be doing a few times a year. 


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Wednesday, August 27, 2014

BOOK WORM

Did you miss me world? Don't answer. Of course you did. Now I should be posting about Lake Tahoe, but that would require me to upload and edit pictures so maybe I'll get around to it in 5 or so months. Today I'd like to talk about books. The internet is full of endless (and mindless) wonders, so I had forgotten for a while that I can read in my spare time... like books. Actual paper books, and not articles I find on Facebook saying "Click here to see how this father reacted when his son walked for the first time" and other similarly riveting pieces.

I recently got a library card, which I haven't had since high school when I checked out (and immediately lost) The Chronic album (sorry Dre), which technically we can consider this the last time I actually "paid" for music. Thanks a lot Millcreek library! But I stuck it to them by leaving to college with about $6 in unpaid fines. I'd like to share a few books I've read, am reading, and want to read. And in exchange, please leave me some suggestions of books I'd like. If I don't like said book, I'll be de-friending you on Facebook indefinitely so don't take this task lightly.

Gone Girl:


Also know as "what the hell did I just read?" I just finished this book while in Tahoe and it seriously is amazing. And if no one has ruined the end for you (or if you haven't ruined the end for yourself by skipping to the middle of the book to answer your pressing questions) then you are in for a suspenseful, thrilling, and twisted treat. As unbelievable and slightly messed up as the ending is, it truly is perfect and couldn't have ended any other way and still fit with the characters. The book is also really well written and makes me want to own a thesaurus. The movie is coming out Oct 3rd starring Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike and I'm so pumped! If you don't like to read go see it in theaters. 

*Disclaimer: If you can't handle swearing and a little crudeness, put this one back on the shelf. 















The Fault in Our Stars: 


I read this right before the movie came out and if you have a vagina, you really can't go wrong with young love/cancer books. I may or may not have seen the movie three times already. This was the first and only book that made me cry, but I was also mad at Spencer the day I finished it so who knows what the tears were really for. 

*Disclaimer: You will have unrealistic expectations of what your husband/boyfriend should be like after reading this. And also be aware that no teenagers of today's world actually have this wide of vocabulary.
















The Maze Runner:


I read this one a while ago but I'm posting it because the movie is coming out in just a few weeks. I really loved this book. I'm all about sci-fi/Ray Bradbury type stuff. This book is actually a series and although I loved each individual book, I wasn't a huge fan of the end. Like the end END. I just felt like the third book could have had a more fulfilling ending but don't let that scare you from reading them. They are still very entertaining. The only problem I can see with making this a movie is that you get basically zero answers at the end of the first book. I'm sure they will incorporate some of the answers from the second book in order for it to make sense. Apparently they are only going to make the second book into a movie if the first movie does well. 

















The Lost Symbol:


Yikes guys... just yikes. This book literally took about 5 months to finish, with a combination of checking it out from the library twice, and reading it online. I loved The Da Vinci Code, and Angels and Demons, but Robert Langdon's third adventure is a little harder to get through and wasn't as riveting. I read the first two books in about two days so that should say something about how they differ. The next book is called Inferno. I've heard it's better than this one, but still not as good as the first two. For now I think I'll take a Dan Brown break and save Inferno for sometime in the distant future.

















Bossypants:


This is the book I'm currently reading. This might as well be written by Liz Lemon. I think they are one in the same. I'm only a few pages in and her biogrpahy already has me laughing out loud. Tina Fey has the funniest perspective on things and tells it like it is. If you don't like to read, just get on Netflix and watch 30 Rock. Seriously though... she is a brilliant comedian and writer. 



















Now here are a few books that I have on my radar and just might be up next in the queue for me: 

Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl by Jesse Andrews
Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell 
Winger by Andrew Smith
Phsycos by Babe Walker (the follow up book to White Girl Problems which was freaking hilarious) 
Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury (for Halloween maybe?)
Lost Boys by Orson Scott Card 
My Life Next Door by Huntley Fitzpatrick
The Archives by Victoria Schwab



Please feel free to leave me any other suggestions! 




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Thursday, July 31, 2014

#FIRSTWORLDPROBLEMS 2.0


Today I'd like to share with you another installment of my ever mounting first world problems:

1. I'm following too many people on Instagram and it takes to much time to catch up on every one's lives so I had to cut some people. I really had to buckle down and decide which celebrities were really important in my life and which ones weren't. Sorry Ellie Goulding and Vanessa Hudgens. There just wasn't enough room for all of us.

2. Earlier this week I may have been attacked by some wasps while allegedly hopping the fence to lay out at the community pool of some million dollar estates. So I guess that's how the rich and famous keep people like me away from their lounge chairs!

3. I'm oooooh so lucky because I get to make use of my winter wardrobe since my office is an ice box. 

4. I've learned that living in a basement you get to deal with spiders, but apparently in the summer they visit more frequently because they like the come inside and enjoy the free A/C. This little guy was found in our bedroom this week and Spencer and I had to have a 5 minute discussion on our plan of attack. I didn't want Mr. Mini-Tarantula getting away and slipping through a crack or something so that I then would have to stay up for three days straight trying to lure him out. 

5. There is never enough time in the day to go to the gym... because of Netflix obvi. 

6. The HBOGo account I use for free, courtesy of my BFF's fiance, is currently not working and I want to tear my hair out hearing all the updates of Game of Thrones, and True Blood. Guess I'll just have to Torrent them like all the rest of the world. 

7. Provo thinks its cool do re-do all their roads at once. Like I literally have to come a different way to work every day. It's a fun little guessing game. You never know what detour you'll end up taking. 

8. There should literally be a line at the bank JUST for people who have complicated issues. Why is it that I choose to go when there are only two tellers and both are helping people for easily 10 minutes? Could my life be any harder??

9. Apparently I don't know what year it is because I went to the DMV for a new license and went to Wells Fargo demanding a new debit card, both of which don't expire until 2015. So ya... both of those trips were a waste. 

10. I'm going to be spending an entire week in a bikini at Lake Tahoe pretty soon and I am soooooo not bikini ready so now I have to starve myself for the next week and run 5 miles a day... and by that I mean In-N-Out and a Modern Family marathon while I wallow in self pity. 

  Like liiiiiiiiiterally my life is so hard. I'm taking a nap and then going to pay $10 to see a formally fat Chris Pratt take his shirt off. Peace! 


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Friday, July 25, 2014

HI I'M ZERO AND I HAD A BIRTHDAY

As most of you probably know it was my birthday yesterday. I've been on this earth for a whole year and it's been fun. Mostly because my humans are sickly obsessed with me and treat me like their child. My grandma says they need to have a baby already but I'm much more fun. Thank you to all of those who wished me a happy birthday. Today I've commandeered the blog to tell you a little more about myself: 

> My nicknames include The Walrus, Stinky Dog, Tube Dog, and "hey-you-doog." I don't think I look like a walrus but everyone says Its because I have a big tube body with no neck.


> I'm the best sleeper! I sleep for about 12 hours every night. 
> I'm pretty needy. I like to whine when no one is paying attention to me.
> I know sit, stay, shake, other shake (other paw), and down. I also know the word treat and walk, and I run to the door when someone says walk so the humans have to be careful with their words. I'm also too smart for my own good and when you pull out a treat I will automatically sit and put my paw up to shake because I know that's what you're going to ask me to do anyway.
> I love car rides with all my heart. Mom says I want to be the hood ornament because I try to see how far I can hang out of the car every time.
> I hate the sound of a plastic bags. They are the scariest! I also hide when mom gets out the lint roller because I shed so much that she uses it to get all the extra hair off me.
> I don't really play fetch. I just chase the ball, and then the rest of the time I just play keep-away and you have to try to get it from me. I'm actually pretty fast for a walrus.
> I am a very load snorer and sometimes mom kicks me in my sleep to get me to stop.
> I really like TV. I even bark at the bad guys sometimes! This picture was from a day that I just sat on the couch for like 10 minutes by myself watching TV and mom walked past and took this because she said it kind of creeped her out:

^ Nothing to see here. Just catching up on "Wilfred."

> I only have one type of speed for playing: Rough! Sometimes it's too much for other dogs so I have to have a timeout. 
> I'm up to 40lb! Mom hopes I wont get much bigger because it's getting hard to pick me up and carry me away when I'm being naughty. 
>I love hands and ears! And by love I mean I love trying to bite and lick them. But I'm nice and I know I can only do that with my close human friends. Don't worry... they are soft play bites. 
>I'm a great watch dog. Don't get that confused with guard dog. I'll let you know when there is a weird noise or someone at the door, but I don't care if they try to rob the place. I'll probably just see if they have treats or will scratch my belly. 

Now here are a few cute pictures of me because you can never have too many: 

 ^ They tell me I get crazy eyes when I have my ball. I don't see it. 
 ^ I love basking in the warmth of the window-well. 
 ^ My new thing is getting up on the kitchen chairs to hunt for food scraps. I must know it's naughty because I only do that when the humans leave the room. The other day I even climbed on the table but then I got in trouble. 
^My humans must get fast food a lot because I know what the drive-thru is and sometimes I get impatient for the food that's waiting for us at the end.  
^ I always can sense when the humans are leaving. Can I fit in your suitcase?  

Here is the link to the doggy cupcakes my mom made me. They were so good! My mom used whipped cream on top instead though, because I really really like that stuff... except when it comes out of the can it kinda scares me. I also absolutely hated that crown. SQUIRREL! 

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Wednesday, July 23, 2014

CAT 1. ZERO 0.


Being a dog owner is full of surprises. Like when you go on a walk and a cat scratches your dogs eyeball. That my friends is a $200 walk. BAM! And yes I cried. I cried when we got home because a) being a dog mom has just made me a big softy and b) I felt responsible. Zero is such a good off-leash walker. And normally we don't let her off leash around high traffic areas, but we always take her off the leash when we get about two houses away from our home. But low and behold there were two cats on the doorstep of the house we were in front of, and she knew... That little naughty girl knew because she has seen that cat there before and wanted to go say hi but we wouldn't let her. One of her big downfalls is coming when we call her. Bulldogs are known to be one of the most stubborn breads. They don't really live for obedience like other dogs. They come when they want to come. So once Zero took off to say hi to the cat, all my shouting of STAY! COME HERE! SIT! did nothing. Of course the cat didn't know all she wanted to do was play, so she defended herself the best way she knew how. Sadly we didn't get one of those skittish running cats, but the kind that fight back. After we managed to grab her we noticed she was bleeding. A few scrapes on her head and nose, and one on her eye. We did luck out... it was only on the whites of her eye so it didn't affect her vision. And as we sat in the waiting room of the Urgent Care next to a lady who was also on a walk (but her dog was attacked by a loose pit bull), I again realized that we were lucky... even though it was an unlucky situation.

Originally the doctor gave us "the cone of shame" to keep her from itching or scratching her eye. It was so sad guys! She kept running into things, she would just sit with her head down and not look up at us, she wouldn't eat, sleep, or go outside to go potty. Around 3 AM I couldn't take it, and I wanted sleep. Her eye hadn't been bothering her before and when I took the cone off to let her eat, she still didn't seem to care about it. Now we are on day three, and although we are watching her vary carefully, we haven't had to put the cone back on her. Another moment of good fortune for The Walrus!

Sadly this did affect our plans for a weekend in Vegas. And we even went and bought her a life vest for grandma's pool! She loves it... but she loves tennis balls even more. Can we get a rain check Vegas!?



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Wednesday, July 16, 2014

STILL MARRIED LONGER THAN KIM KARDASHIAN


Well I meant to write a post on Monday about Spencer and I's anniversary which was Sunday, but ya know... Netflix and stuff really get in the way. Spencer and I decided that we would switch off years planning our anniversary and this year it was my turn. If you know me, you know that when I plan something, I don't like straying from the plan too much. Mostly because I get excited and put a lot of effort into my plans and when they fall through it makes me feel like a failure. Perfectionist problems. So I was already a little frustrated that we got out the door late and didn't get to Lagoon until around 3pm. The kicker was... Spencer's bike helmet is expensive and we road the motorcycle up there and unfortunately all the big lockers at Lagoon were taken. I was a little furious and he bounced ideas off about driving back to Salt Lake or driving to Kaysville and leaving the helmet at my sisters. Both options would set us back about 30min and it was already getting late (oh and did I mention I made dinner reservations at 8pm at Alamexo). I had a stage 5 meltdown. Mostly because I didn't want him to bring his bike in the first place, and now all my carefully thought out plans had been ruined. Here is a prime example of what I was talking about in the anniversary Instagram post on Sunday. It's just one of the many ways Spencer and I are different. When I was tearing up about my ruined plans and blaming him for sleeping in and riding the bike, he said "Who care if our plans are ruined. It's our anniversary. We can do whatever we want." He might as well have just Spartan kicked me, 300 style!


But in Spencer's mind, it really wasn't a big deal. He can just fly by the seat of his pants. Plans be damned!!! All blasphemy to me. Long story short, we found a campground next door that said we could leave our helmets with them. In the end we didn't make it to dinner, and Spencer wanted to leave early to go back to the hotel to go hot tubing, which means I missed out on the Rocket and Samari, but marriage is a compromise. We stayed at the very hip Hotel Monaco downtown, which actually doesn't have a pool or a hot tub but that's why I had already done my research on the Hilton Hotel next door. After swimming at the Hilton, we went and got Zero. Our hotel allows dogs so we couldn't pass up the chance to bring her along. Both Spencer and I love staying in hotels. There is just something so magical about a bed that hundreds of people have already slept in that cost way too much money for just a place to rest your head and watch cheap cable. Although we never made it to Alamexo, we did make a late night Sonic run and I finally got that garlic cheese hot dog that I had mentioned on Facebook had been taunting me in the ads. And guess what guys... it wasn't half bad! Seriously. I ate pretty much all of it.     

The one thing I hate about hotels is that the checkout time is always at an ungodly hour, but because Spencer's mission president was having his homecoming at 11am, we had to wake up even earlier than that! Which I can't complain too much about because they had the most amazing spread, including Texas Roadhouse rolls and I'm pretty sure I ate my weight in bread and cheese. To top off our night we drove back home, took a family nap with the beast, got Sonic drinks to wake us up again then... I can't remember but it probably consisted of walking The Walrus and then TV time on the couch. Hopefully one day we can make it back to Alamexo, but I know this weekend we learned, or re-learned, some valuable things about each other: I live for plans, and Spencer thinks it's no big deal do his own thing. That's just one of those things in marriage you just have to be aware of with your partner and take into consideration when you're together. We have learned a lot these last 2 years, and hopefully will continue to learn and grow more.  

And shocker... all the pictures from this weekend are only of Zero. 

^ Don't worry, she got some too. 
^The car ride back home after spending the day playing in Grandma and Grandpa's garden.
 ^Family naps. Oh I could just squeeeeze that face! 


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Wednesday, July 9, 2014

BUSTIN OUT THE FANCY CAM

The 4th of July is one of my favorite holidays (next to Halloween and Christmas). The heat, the pool, the fireworks, the hot dogs; it all resonates with me. Plus I get to wear my one American flag shirt (which I conveniently forgot this year). Although I've never been super in to camping, almost every summer since I was little my family went up to Malad, Idaho to stay at my uncles farm house and since it's been a few years since I've been, I've forgotten how much fun it is. I also got to meet my new niece Gracelyn. She is an absolute doll... which is exactly what her 2 year old sister thinks she is; her own personal doll. Here are a few pictures I took, that I'm sure many of you have already seen on Facebook:


(Below) Mormon crickets. They are huge! 

And here we are on the same stoop two years ago for our engagements. Can't believe we will have been married 2 years this Sunday! Such babies we were! 





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